Things My Two Year Old Taught Me

I am aware that my daughter and I have very similar personalities and quirks.  As such, (I will freely admit) I frequently don't understand her, even a little bit.

She is growing into her person-dom, and has revealed unto me the following rules:

1.  Always dress precisely the way you feel, regardless of the occasion.  If this means heading to the pool in a floor-length tu-tu, wearing a viking helmet, a t-shirt with robots fighting great apes, and wielding a short sword, so be it.

2.  Reportedly, all food tastes like chicken.  Save time by calling all food chicken.

3.  If your parents don't give you the precise kind of chicken you wanted when you simply requested chicken, it is perfectly acceptable to freak the hell out.  It's not mind reading, it's intuiting a complicated memo composed of physical clues.

4.  Exercise your right to protest.  If you discover that your protest is unobserved (via cautious peeks under your armpits after you've thrown yourself dramatically to the floor and soaked it with your giant tears), relocate yourself to a more visable place, like directly behind your mother as she carries a pot of boiling water to the sink.

5.  If you have no idea what someone is talking about, replying "sure!" in your most chipper voice will delay the need for action.  When it's become obvious that you've just agreed to something terrible, like getting knots brushed out of your hair, you can always remember something VERY EXCITING happening in another location, like the closet.

6.  Pooping is best done in quiet, solitary places.  Like under the dining room table, in the laundry hamper, or in the bathtub.  Bonus points if you're wearing underpants instead of diapers.